Super Smash Bros
by Shin Furevindo
Summary: Have you ever wondered why the first Super Smash Bros. tournament took place? Why Crazy Hand didn't seem to be around? What the Fighting Polygon Team was? Why some fighters were not there at first? This is the story of the very first Super Smash Bros.
1. Chapter 1: The Way it Began!

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form.**

**A/N**

**This is the story behind the very first Super Smash Bros Tournament. Why did it happen? How did the smashers come to be known as smashers? Where was Crazy Hand during the duration of the first tournament? What is the story behind the Fighting Polygons? You'll get to see it all! Not much else to say, except that I'm sorry I haven't been around. I haven't had the chance to read your stories, or write my own lately. Being a star student in school doesn't give ya much free time ;) But Summer is here! So I will be trying to catch up on reading your fan-fictions, and on writing mine. You may be wondering why I'm not updating the re-write. There's a simple answer to that. I don't have the inspiration to write anything scary. It comes to me when I'm angry and for the last few months, I've been grinning like an idiot, so, yeah, nothing horrific now. Also, I may not update/review as often as I used to, still, cause my sister is a bit of an internet hog -_-;**

**Disclaimer: Okay, who shall disclaim? Mewtwo, my good buddy, wanna do the honors?**

**Mewtwo: I'm not in this fanfiction, you thickhead.**

**I'm not a thickhead!**

**Mewtwo: Yes, you are. Do you realize how hard it is to transmit my thoughts to you? I can't be talking to anyone else, or I won't get through!**

**He's exaggerating.**

**Mewtwo: No, I'm not. Lucario agrees with me. Right, Lucario?**

**What's that? I didn't quite catch that.**

**Mewtwo: That's because I was talking to you and Lucario.**

**Not true!**

**Lucario: Actually, he's right. Your head is pretty thick.**

**Pikachu: Pika!**

***Pikachu hits my head with thunder.***

**See? If my head wasn't thick, that would have hurt.**

***Mewtwo facepalms.***

**Lucario: Okay, someone disclaim so we can get on with this!**

**You do it, Master Hand!**

**Master Hand: Shin owns nothing in this fanfiction. If he did, God knows he wouldn't be writing it.**

**Now, as they say, on with the show!**

**Mewtwo: Thickhead.**

* * *

The final destination… a dark arena that stretches forever into the infinity of space, void of life. The Master Hand floated silently to its side, guarding over it, as it had for millennia.

While the Final Destination may have seemed to have no purpose, it was in fact the heart of the universe. Within it lied the Orb of Origin. Without it, all existence would crumble.

Thus, it was the Master Hand's job to protect it, for none could possibly hope to match his omnipotent power. The Master Hand enjoyed his job. He reveled in the peace and quiet, for rarely does one of evil heart discover the Orb of Origin. There was only a minor downfall to this peace. The bane of the Master Hand's existence. For it would one day be the death of him… "MAAASSSSTTTTEEEEERRRRRR HAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDD!"

Master Hand sighed. "Yes, Crazy Hand?"

Crazy Hand bounced onto Final Destination from the opposite side of the arena. "I'm booooorrrrreeeeedddd!"

"…So?"

"I want something to do, gimme something to do, quick!"

"Twiddle your thumbs."

"Ooooooooookay, Handy-man!"

Crazy Hand floated to Master Hand and used his thumb to push Master Hand's in a circle. "Crazy Hand, what are you doing?"

"Twiddling my thumbs!"

"Not MY thumb!"

"But Master Hand, we're the same person!"

"No, we're not!"

"Well, I think we're attached to the same thing!"

"We're not attached to anything!"

"How do you know? Have you ever SEEN what we're attached to?"

"No, that's the point!"

"You can't prove it!"

"There's nothing to prove!"

"You can't prove that, either!"

"Just go away."

"Okay. WHHHHEEEEEEEE!"

Crazy Hand dashed around Final Destination in a hyped-up frenzy.

"Crazy Hand, have you visited that planet made of sugar again?"

"I dunno! Ask the planet, it'll tell ya! Hyahaha!"

"In other words, you did."

"Yep!"

"Okay, let me find the tranquilizer."

Master Hand snapped his fingers and a syringe filled with pink liquid appeared in his hand, causing Crazy Hand to gasp in horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT DEH PINK STUFF! ME LIKIES MAH SUGAH HIGH!"

Master Hand proceeded to chase Crazy Hand around. Crazy Hand snapped his fingers and things started appearing above Master Hand, narrowly missing him. "Noooooooooooooo!"

Master Hand caught him, and within seconds, the tranquilizer made him calm down. (Let's face it. No matter how much tranquilizer you give a floating hand, it isn't gonna sleep.) "What am I going to do with you?"

Crazy Hand floated up. "Love me!"

"Do I need to give you another dose?"

Crazy Hand squeaked out, "No…"

"Now, be a good boy and go do something that doesn't involve me."

Crazy Hand floated away.

"Now, where was I? Ah, yes."

Master Hand floated back to his spot. Crazy Hand floated back with some paper and a pencil.

"Crazy Hand, what are you doing?"

"Nuuuuuuhhthing!"

He started scribbling on the paper. Master Hand floated over him and read them. "No, no, no! Crazy Hand, I said nothing involving me!"

"It doesn't involve you!"

"You're writing letters and signing with MY initials! What is up with that? What do they say, anyway?"

"I'll give you a copy, you can read it later."

Crazy Hand snapped his finger and the newly written letters floated into envelopes. Crazy Hand snapped his fingers again and twelve plastic badges appear in front of him. They float into the envelopes, and they seal themselves and fly off in different directions. He snapped his fingers one last time and another letter appeared. "Here, here's a copy of the letters. You'll like them!"

"I highly doubt it."

Master Hand opened the envelope and proceeded to read the letter.

"'Dear Mario,' Hey! Crazy Hand! Who's Mario?"

"A plumber!"

"Why are you writing letters to a plumber?"

"Just read it!"

"Fine, fine!

'Dear Mario,'

'I am Master Hand.'

Oh, that's original.

'I am inviting you to a tournament. Just put on the badge if you want to come. You'll get to fight me if you win. If you don't, then your world is gonna go boom! Bwahaha! Mastah Hand!'

'Signed, M.H.'

Crazy Hand, what the heck are you thinking? Get those letters back! Now!"

"Too late, they done gone and found them! Whee-hee!"

"What? How did they find the letters that fast?"

"I made the letters keep hitting them in the head until they picked 'em up!"

The argument was interrupted when a spark was seen to the side. "Crazy Hand! I'll kill you!"

"Momma Mia! A floating-a hand-a! What's-a all-a this-a about-a?"

Master Hand turned to face him and saw a short, plump plumber in a red hat and shirt, with blue overalls. His hat was marked with an "M." He held up the letter.

"Oh, you wanna see my brother, Crazy Hand. He's over here. Crazy Hand!"

Master Hand turned around and Crazy Hand was gone. "Crazy Hand! You jerk! This means more tranq later!"

Crazy Hand didn't respond. So that was it. He was doing this because he was bored. He was probably laughing his head—er, hand—off. More flashes. Right, he sent twelve.

Master Hand turned around again, and two more—creatures—were standing there. A green dinosaur with a white stomach and big eyes, and a gorilla that looks as though he could pound a house into the ground.

"Yoshi Yoshi!"

The gorilla roared. "Okay, that's three of you. There ought to be nine more of you arriving. I'll explain then."

Soon enough, five more of the nine had arrived. One of them wore an orange and yellow scientific-looking suit. It appeared to be ancient, and at the same time, far more advanced than any weapon of mass destruction.

One of them appeared to be the most normal of them all except the plumber. The thing that set this young man apart was his distinctly pointy ears and green, medieval-looking tunic.

The next was small. It appeared to be a pink puffball, with red cheeks and big, black eyes.

The next one was only slightly bigger, but looked even more strange. The best description for it would be a large, yellow mouse with black ears and brown stripes across its bottom.

The last one appeared human in the way it stands, but it wouldn't take a genius to tell you it looks more like a fox. It wore casual-looking clothes. A green shirt and pants, accompanied by a white vest.

"Well, it appears the other four are not going to show up. Very well, then. We will begin without them. I know you all must be very irritated—"

A roar swallowed up Master Hand as all eight fighters started yelling.

"You kidding! I've been hoping for an adventure!"

"You bet! I'm pissed!"

"I'll go along with this, but only if you pay me!"

"Poyo!"

"Pika!"

"Yoshi Yoshi!"

"Momma Mia! You-a know it!"

A roar from the gorilla drowned out the rest of what they said. Master Hand recoiled. Such a strong reaction! Crazy Hand must pay for this.

"Listen!"

Master Hand's voice drowned them all out, and they got quiet.

"I am Master Hand, but I did NOT send you the letters! You got those from my hyper-active brother, Crazy Hand!"

Another outburst.

"Yeah, right! Quit lying!"

He snapped his fingers loudly. "As much as I would like to send you home, I can't. The magic of the Final Destination will not allow you to leave until you've fulfilled the condition of your arrival—a tournament. Until it is over, you may not leave. And it seems, I'll have to fight the winner."

"Why not?" the elf-like person yelled.

Master Hand blanched. "Um... I don't know, actually. That's just the way this place works!"

The man in the ancient suit said, "Hah! Maybe these dorks can't leave, but I can!"

He pressed some buttons on his left arm. An orange light was seen in the distance, heading toward Final Destination. It closed in, but before it could get close enough to land, it bounced off a green barrier of sorts.

"My ship!"

"I told you, there's no leaving. Now, I will arrange the tournament grid. Tell me your names, and I will set your matches."

The man in the green tunic raised his hand. "Where will we be fighting?"

Master Hand stopped. "I don't know. I don't think it will be too unreasonable to have you fight on your own planets. But... no, you can't leave... Ah, well. I'll figure it out."

Master Hand snapped his fingers and a dry-erase board appears in midair, and marker in his hand. It was large enough that it could be seen from the entire Final Destination. He drew a tournament grid on it. "Each of the eight competitors will have a one-on-one fight. In the semi-finals, the four remaining competitors will fight before going on to the last match. The winner of it will fight me. Now, you will each draw a number from this box, and it will determine your placing."

A box appeared floating in midair. The plumber walked forward and reached his hand in, drawing a number. "My-a numba is-a three!"

"Okay, and what is your name?"

"Mario!"

"Right, the plumber..."

He writes Mario's name in the third slot from the left.

"Next!"

The man in the green tunic was the next to draw. He held up the number. "Four! My name is Link!"

Master Hand wrote Link's name in the slot.

The pink puffball stepped forward and drew a number. It says, "Poyo! Poy!"

"I can't understand him. I'll bet Crazy Hand's having a ball now."

The fox-man stepped over to the pink puff. "I can fix that."

He removed a small device from his pocket and hooked it onto the puffball's foot, where it became invisible. The puff said, "I said, I have number one, poyo! My name is Kirby, poyo!"

"Excellent work, uh, name?"

"Fox McCloud! Anyone else here unable to talk?"

The mouse, the dinosaur and gorilla raised their hands. He hooked them up as well. After everyone had introduced themselves and drawn a number, the table ended up like this:

Fight One: Kirby vs. Pikachu

Fight Two: Mario vs. Link

Fight Three: Fox vs. Samus

Fight Four: Donkey Kong vs. Yoshi

"Alright! Now, we have our first match! But you know…"

He looked around at them. He felt kind of bad that Crazy Hand had forced them into this. It wasn't their fault they had to fight, and they looked like they could seriously hurt each other. He didn't want that. "I have an idea."

Master Hand snapped his fingers. The fighters were now standing in front of a castle. The Final Destination was visible in the sky. "This is the Smash Castle. There's no need to rush things, and I thought, well, you all might like to stay here while I take care of some business! You all may have any room you like, and you can help yourselves to the kitchen! I'll let you find your own way around. Get to know each other while you're here! And PLEASE stick to the first two floors! It's very easy to get lost in the place!"

Master Hand disappeared, leaving the others on their own.

* * *

**First thing's first. You may be wondering why Samus is referred to as a he.**

**Samus: Yeah, why is that? *Aims blaster at my face***

**Well, she appears to the other smashers, and Master Hand, to be a man.**

**Samus: Are you saying I got no hips? *Starts charging blaster***

**Well, I'm off to read yall's fics, but I'll be back soon!**

***Samus starts firing at me***

**HAAAAEEEEELLLLPPPP!**

***Runs away***

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form.**


	2. Chapter 2: Chaos in the Kitchen!

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form.**

**A/N**

**Okay, here I am again! Phew, I love Summer! I have a new author note format that will be followed each chapter from now on. It starts with anything I have to say to inform you of anything. (Like this section here.) Then, I answer reviews. After that, a short 'skit' of sorts in which a character disclaims for me. Now, to answer your wonderful reviews!**

**Review Responses:**

**Mind Seeker: Thank you again for being my bestest and favoritest reviewer! The answer to your question: yes, the unlockable characters will be in the story a bit late, reason being because you don't get them till later in the game. :D Expect them in chapter four. Yeah, they can't leave cause I couldn't think of reasons all of them would actually want to stay. :D**

**Wolfenpilot687: Thanks for the review :D I'll be sure to read your stories as soon as I'm done catching up with Mind Seekers. As for improving your fic… well, I haven't read it yet, so I don't know how good you are yet, but the way I got better was I just read more stories, fanfiction or otherwise.**

**Disclaimer Short: Samus, would you like to disclaim?**

**Samus: You said I look like a man! I ain't doing crap for you!**

**Pwease?**

**Samus: No!**

**Crazy Hand: That's right, Samus! Fight the power!**

**Crazy Hand, do I need to get the tranq?**

**Crazy Hand: Nooooooeeeeeeessssss!**

***Crazy Hand bowls me over. Samus kicks me and walks away.***

**Oww! Forget yall! Geno, my good bud, come on over here!**

**Geno: Yes, Shin?**

**Disclaim?**

**Geno: Whatever. He owns nothing here. End of story, goodbye, the end. Any questions? No? Then I'll just sit down.**

**Roll the film!**

* * *

Master Hand disappeared, leaving the others on their own. They walked into the castle together.

Kirby said, "I wonder where the kitchen is."

Link replied, "Not that it matters, but, uh, he said we could have whatever room we want, right?"

Fox said, "Yeah, so?"

Link put a hand on his chin. "I just wonder how long he plans on having us stay here. I mean, I JUST saved Hyrule from Ganondorf, and me and the—Ah, I better not tell you."

Mario said, "Why-a not-a?"

"Well, I mean, it's kind of personal. Anyway, I call dibs oooooon," he ran into a room just to the left of the stairs, "this room!"

The room was plain when he opened the door, but as soon as he said he wanted it, it changed. The room's walls changed to be painted to look like a forest, and the bed became the same green as his tunic. The ceiling morphed to look like treetops, with the sky showing through in some places. The carpet turns green, with occasional brown spots, like the forest floor. "Cool! Guys, check it out!"

The others came running. They all said, "Whoa!"

Mario ran to the room on the right of the stairs. "I-a want-a this-a one!"

The room morphs to have red walls, with a blue carpet. The bed becomes red, with white dots on it, like a Super Mushroom. His dresser changes to have a Super Mushroom-shaped lamp on it. "Nice-a!"

The others head upstairs to the second floor, picking out rooms. Samus' looksed about like a large version of the interior of his starship. Kirby's was decorated to look like a kitchen, and even had a microwave oven on the dresser. Yoshi's was decorated to look like Yoshi's Island, and Donkey Kong's was decorated like his banana horde. It even has a closet full of perfectly ripe bananas.

Fox's looked similar to Samus', although his closer resembles the interior of the Great Fox. Pikachu's looked like nothing that any of the others have ever seen before. It looks as though it's a paradise, but he doesn't seem to like it. He huffs and said, "It looks like the inside of a pokéball! I hate pokéballs!"

The room morphed again, and it looked similar to Link's room. Pikachu smiled happily, "That's better!"

Kirby ran downstairs and says, "To the kitchen, poyo!"

He ran around madly looking for it, and didn't take long to do it. He said, "Whooooooooooooooooo!" and ran to the fridge. He opened his mouth wide and started to inhale. The food wobbled, then flew right into his mouth! The entire fridge was empty in seconds, but no sooner than it is emptied, it is full again. Kirby's eyes grew wide. He inhaled again, and it refilled. He drooled a bit. "An endless fridge!"

He grinned widely and inhaled. For the next thirty minutes, the fridge was constantly emptied and refilled. Kirby falls backward, three times as big as he was before. The others gawk at him the whole time. Fox laughed hysterically and opens a cabinet. Now, it was his turn to go crazy. He pulled a blaster from his belt, and said, "No one takes anything from this cabinet but me! Got it?"

Link says, "Why? What's in it?"

He reached a hand in to grab whatever is in there, and pulls his hand away quickly. Fox had tried to bite him. "My funyons!"

Pikachu says, "Funyons? What are funyons?"

Samus supplies, "Funyons are a type of chips. And apparently, Fox has developed an unhealthy obsession over them, cause my X-ray visor is saying that, that cabinet is full of them."

Fox fired at him, narrowly missing. "Don't X-ray my funyons!"

Fox took a machine from his pocket and put it over the cabinet door, entering a code on a keypad. "There! Now no one will get my funyons!"

Mario said, "What-a does-a that-a thing-a do-a?"

Samus replied, "It's a lock. If you get the code wrong, you lose your hand."

Yoshi went, "Eep!" and grabbed his hand. He went to a different cabinet and grabbed a bag of apples, which he started eating.

Link opened another cabinet and gags before closing it. "I think those are for you, Mario."

Mario hopped up and opened it. Full of mushrooms. He grabbed a handful and stuffs them in his mouth. "Mmmm, great mushrooms!"

Samus opened the freezer. He said, with no emotion whatsoever, "Oh, joy. TV dinners."

He closed it and headed to the fridge. Kirby stood in front of it defensively. "Mine!"

Samus sighed. "Hey, has anyone noticed Donkey Kong isn't here?"

Yoshi says, "He's in his room. You know, he's got all those bananas and all, so…"

Samus spotted something in the fridge. "Hey, all right! They have my favorite! Roast turkey!"

Samus started to reach for it, but Kirby gave him the evil eye.

Samus said, "Okay, okay!" holding his hands up.

He backed away a bit, but then aimed the blaster on his right arm at the fridge. A blue beam shot out, going right past Kirby. It touched the roast turkey, and retracted, the turkey following after the grapple beam. Kirby shouted, "Hey, poyo!" and chased after it.

Samus ran around the kitchen with it. He ran right past Fox, who started firing his blaster randomly. Link ducked, bumping Pikachu backwards. Pikachu reacted automatically and let loose a thunder bolt, which hit Yoshi. This caused Yoshi to swallow an apple down the wrong pipe, turning it into an egg instead of going to his stomach. The egg flew out and hit Mario in the head, causing him to fall over, into Samus. The turkey flew from his hand and hit Fox in the head. This caused his finger to slip on the blaster, setting it to auto-fire as he drops it. It shot Kirby in the butt, and he started hopping around. He landed on Yoshi, causing him to start running around. He stepped on Link's foot, and he started hopping and holding it, a bomb falling from his endless pocket, and hitting Pikachu in the head. He used a Thunder Bolt, hitting Mario. Mario started throwing fireballs around randomly, and one of them hit the bomb, and BOOM!

The blast covered up everything, and when the smoke cleared, everyone was standing perfectly still. They were all covered in black soot. Donkey Kong walked in holding a banana. He was grinning like an idiot. Samus said, "Meh."

He used his grapple beam to grab the turkey again, and used his Plasma Beam to heat it up. His visor slid up just enough to show his mouth, and he takes a bite out of it and said, "Wait a sec, this isn't roast turkey! It's smoked turkey! Bleh!"

He tossed it and it hit Donkey Kong's banana out of his hand as his visor slid back down. Everyone except Donkey Kong said, "Uh-oh."

Donkey Kong roars and starts punching everything in front of him. The others run out of there, and watch helplessly as what's left of the kitchen is destroyed. Master Hand appears in the hall. "How is everyone getting along?"

He saw what was happening and said, "The kitcheeeeeeeennnnnn!"

He starts sobbing. "My kitchen!"

Donkey Kong hits the door, and it hits Master Hand. "My pretty kitchen! CRAZY HAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNND!"

He disappeared again. Mario said, "I think-a that-a went-a well-a."

Samus says, "Yeah… went well… let's go with that."

Donkey Kong continued his rage. Fox said, "Okay, here's the deal, you guys distract him, and I'll get the funyons!"

Kirby said, "Screw the funyons, poyo! I want my endless fridge, poyo!"

Mario said, "I-a want-a those-a mush-a-rooms-a!"

Fox said, "Samus! You gotta help me get the funyons before he crushes them!"

"You tried to cut off our hands. I'm not helping you with anything. But, I'm not done seeing if the fridge has roast turkey. So I'm knocking that monkey OUT!"

He ran into the kitchen with his blaster charging. Pikachu said, "I KNOW one of those cabinets has pokéblock, and it's mine!"

He ran in, and soon everyone was in the kitchen, trying to get at Donkey Kong. Samus fired a beam at him, but he jumps so that it headed toward Kirby. He swallowed it, and it exploded inside him, causing him to sway and fall over. Link tripped on him, causing his Quake Medallion to fly out of his pocket. It hit Mario in the head, but doesn't activate. Mario, dazed, fell on top of Fox. Fox said, "Getoffgetoffgetoff!" then, "Fire!"

Fire forms at his feet and he is propelled forward on the ground. He bowls over Yoshi, whose tongue shoots out and hits Pikachu. He retracted it and accidentally turned Pikachu into an egg. Pikachu, still inside the eggshell, used Thunder. It broke the egg, and thunder covered the kitchen. He shocked everyone, including himself, and by the time all this was over, the cabinets had fallen apart, everyone had passed out from the shock, the fridge was toppled over and the freezer was leaking fluid. The walls had numerous holes, the door was off its hinges, and the window was now just a gaping hole. Master Hand appeared again and says, "My ki-hi-tchen!"

He snapped his fingers and the others disappeared (He had sent them to their rooms.) He snapped them again, forcing Crazy Hand to appear. "You did this! You clean it!"

"I didn't do this! It was mostly Samus and Donkey Kong!"

"You brought them here, so you did it. Get to work."

Master Hand handed him a broom. Crazy Hand threw it down, shouted, "You'll never take me alive, evil contact lens!", and disappeared.

Master Hand floated still for a second. "Evil contact lens? Where does he come up with this stuff?"

Crazy Hand, from the hallway, shouted, "Those joke books I stole help!"

Master Hand said, "Note to self: Burn those joke books."

He sighed and started cleaning up the kitchen.

* * *

**How'd I do with the funnies? Did you laugh?**

**Samus: No. I don't like turkey. I was raised by birds, you half-wit.**

**I know, that's what makes it funny! It's like you're a cannibal!**

***Samus fires a missile at me, but misses.***

**Uh-oh. She's moving on to the heavy artillery. I better go. Bye-bye!**

**I shall see you soon!**

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form.**


	3. Chapter 3:The Battle Simulation Chamber!

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form.**

**A/N**

**Hi, there everyone! Listen, I'm sorry its been a while since I've been on. I haven't gotten to read any of your stuff yet :( My brother got a virus in my computer so it wouldn't work, and my sister is usually on the other, so I won't be able to get on nearly as often.** **But, anyway, here's the next chapter.**

**Review Responses:**

**Mind Seeker: Thanks :D Yeah, I noticed in many stories, Master Hand's ideas cause most of the chaos. So, I thought, "Hang on, Crazy Hand's the one that should be doing that!" Anyway, thanks, and enjoy this chapter!**

**RipredIsAwesome: Did I spell your name right? Lol, anyway thanks for the review. I had another funyon scene involving Kirby written at first, but it went to my first attempt at a fanfic. I'll add it on somewhere, though :D**

**Disclaimer Short: Blah! I am a werewolf! I am here to suck your blood! Wait… that's not right. Screw it, I'm-a do it anyway! *CHOMP!* Oops…**

**Samus: You idiot. Vampires do that, not werewolves.**

**Oh, yeah! Hahaha!**

**Samus: You just bit Link's hand off.**

**Link: The pain! The pain!**

**He'll be okay.**

**Link: I'm dying!**

**Nah, you're just becoming a werewolf.**

**Link: I'm already a wolf!**

**Midna: Yeah, he kinda is.**

**What's going to happen to him, then?**

**Ganondorf (grinning): Who cares?**

***Zelda slaps him***

**Ganondorf: Ow! That hurt!**

**Zelda: Shin owns nothing, now get out of the author's room so I can hurt Ganondorf without him bleeding all over you!**

**Link already did that, though.**

***Zelda slaps me***

**Yeah, yall just get going. This is gonna get ugly.**

* * *

Master Hand was now finished cleaning the kitchen. It looked just like it had before. He chased Crazy Hand around a corner. "Give them to me, Crazy Hand!"

"No!"

"I mean it!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I do!"

"You can't prove it!"

"Just give me the joke books!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Crazy Hand turned a corner, rushing right past Samus and Link, Master Hand close behind. They stopped walking.

Samus says, "Did you just see Master Hand chasing himself?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so."

Samus slowly tapped his blaster with his fingers a couple of times, then turned quickly and started to chase after them. Link followed behind him.

They all ran past Pikachu as he walked out of his room. Pikachu tilted his head. "You guys racing? I wanna race too!"

He jumped in behind Link.

They ran past the stairs leading to the first floor, and onto a balcony where Fox was carrying a bunch of rope to his room. Samus bumped into him as he passed, and the rope got tied around his leg. The other end ended up around Fox's tail. Samus ended up dragging Fox, the rope being so long that he is just behind Pikachu.

Trying to stop, Fox started grabbing things randomly. He grabbed Yoshi's tail as they passed him. Yoshi falls in and accidentally bit his tongue when his jaw hit the floor. Fox continued to drag him as his tongue dangled out.

They ran to the first floor and passed through the kitchen, where Kirby was about to start snacking. Yoshi's tongue touched his food and stuck to it. Kirby huffed and started running after them, out a door leading outside of the castle and into a garden.

The group ran straight at Mario. Crazy Hand and Master Hand bowled him over, Samus stepped on his stomach as he passed, Link stepped on his face, Pikachu bounced off his nose, and then Fox hit him. Mario got stuck getting dragged in front of Fox.

Crazy Hand looked back and laughed at the chaos, causing him to run into a tree. Master Hand hit it, as well, then Samus and Link, and everyone else followed suit. The tree shook, and something big fell out of it. Donkey Kong glared at the group and punched Crazy Hand so that he went flying over the castle.

Everyone got up, and chaos ensued.

Mario punched at Link, but he dodged so that Mario hit Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong returned the favor, but Mario also dodges, and he hit Yoshi. Yoshi grabbed him with his tongue, so that when he was sent flying by the punch, Donkey Kong got dragged along with him. They both hit the wall of the castle.

Samus fired a missile at Kirby, but he dodged. It hit the tree, causing it to fall on top of Fox. Fox, facing upward, started firing his blaster over the tree, even though he couldn't see what he was shooting at. He hit Samus, who was sent flying into Kirby, who was inhaling. He went into his mouth, and Kirby blew him back out as a star. He was knocked into Link, whose Hookshot was fired into the tree.

Pikachu used Thunder and hit Samus. This caused the shock to go into Link, through the Hookshot, and into the tree. The tree flew into the air and landed on top of Pikachu. Fox got up and fired his blaster in the sky. The bullets fall back down and hit everyone, including himself.

Master Hand, the only one nearly unharmed, said, "Oh... So that's what happened in the kitchen."

He looked around at the chaos. "I better finish the machine before someone gets killed. But first, those joke books have to go!"

He disappeared, leaving everyone else moaning.

"CRRRRAAAAZZZZYYYYY HHHAAAAANNNNNDDDDD!"

Master Hand continued chasing Crazy Hand around the castle. Master Hand pointed his first two fingers at Crazy Hand, firing missiles from them. The missiles hit, and he overdramatically spiraled to the ground. Master Hand snatched the joke books and threw them into the air. He tensed and fires lasers from the tips of his fingers. They hit the joke books. Crazy Hand floated up and said, in a very slow, overdramatic way, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The flaming remains of the books fell in front of him. "Why, cruel world? WWWHHHHHHYYYYYYY?"

He sobbed and Master Hand said, "Crazy Hand, they were just joke books."

"They were not! They had my doodles in them!"

"You don't know how to draw."

"That's why they're doodles! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Crazy Hand, I'll get you some paper and you can draw some new doodles."

He sniffed, "And a pencil?"

"And a pencil."

"WWWWWHHHHHEEEEEE!"

Crazy Hand dashed up the stairs. "Well, he is energetic."

Master Hand heard ripping and shredding from upstairs. "What is he doing up there?"

Master Hand realized something. "Oh, no."

He dashed up the stairs and ran into a certain room. His office. Crazy Hand was there, shredding his papers. "CRAZY HAND!"

Crazy Hand looked at him as though being scolded. He ran away. Master Hand sobbed over his papers. Crazy Hand returned and says, "It's just paper, Master Hand."

"It was not just paper! It was the design plans for the machine I'm making!"

"Now you know how I felt when you destroyed my doodles!"

"…"

"See!"

"Your doodles suck! My blueprints were art!"

"They looked like scribbles!"

"Get out!"

"Why?"

"Get out!"

"You know, we are omnipotent. You could just, like, put them back together. Better yet, you could make the machine just appear here, already done."

"Why didn't I think of that?"

"You're a hand with no head?"

"Oh. Yeah, that would do it."

"You know, your smashers are still outside, moaning in pain."

"MY smashers? Hey, that's a good name for them. Smashers! I like it, it fits so well!"

"You do? But I didn't think that worms could like anything."

"I'm not a worm, Crazy Hand."

"I know. You're an evil contact lens inside a peacock's butt."

"Did you put the joke books back together while I was mourning my shredded papers?"

"Yep!"

"… Yeah, just go away now."

"Okay, super hand!"

"Super Hand?"

"Well, I can't call you Super MAN now, can I? Hyahaha!"

Crazy Hand disappeared. Master Hand snapped his fingers and there was a "clunk!" downstairs.

He went down, and through the door opposite the kitchen (which was not there before.)

He said, "Perfect!"

A large machine was present in the room. There were four capsules at the end, a control panel on the opposite side, and a large, flat screen TV in the center. "Whoo-hoo! My Battle Simulation Chamber is perfect! Now, we begin!"

Meanwhile, a dark presence lurked in the shadows of the castle. An evil force that can only be described as pure darkness. It laughed silently as it waited for its chance to strike.

* * *

**The Battle Simulation Chamber! How awesome is it?**

**Master Hand: Its perfect! Bwahaha!**

**Yeah. Too bad it won't be around for long.**

**Master Hand: Say what?**

**Oops, spoiler. Oh, well. Hey, guess what? Next chapter starts the real story!**

**Samus: Do you mean it's not just going to be random running, hitting, blasting and shocking that ends up with everyone lying on the ground moaning and twitching?**

**That about sums it up.**

**Samus: Oh my God, he has a brain.**

**You bet I—hey, wait a second!**

**Samus: Can you believe he actually caught the insult?**

**Insult? Huh?**

**Samus: I stand corrected. You have no brain.**

**I don't? Then what's this? *Points to head.***

**Samus: The place where intelligence goes to die.**

**Are you calling me fat?**

**Samus: If I were, it wouldn't be an insult; it would be the truth.**

**Crazy Hand: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

… **On that note, I'm out of here. See you all later!**

**Oh, by the way, I made this to go with the fanfiction. Hope you all like it :D**

Actually, it won't save the link for some reason, so I'll put it on my page.

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form.**


	4. Chapter 4: Hidden Characters unlocked!

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form. Also, because I have, since writing this chapter, actually played the game Ness is from, his attacks and actions may change, though I will try to keep the results the same.**

**A/N**

**Hmm, I accidentally lied. This chapter was supposed to begin the real story, BUT after reading a few other fanfics, I decided to take things slower and have some more chaos first.**

**Review Response:**

**Mind Seeker: Hmmm, well, what could be waiting to strike, indeed? Unfortunately, it's going to have to wait a bit longer. :D**

**Skelatox: Thank you for your wonderful reviews! I hope that you continue to read and review my stories as I write them. As for your hunch, it depends on which story. Since this particular fanfiction takes place chronigically earlier than my others, the characters in this one will most likely not die. The characters in the Darkness series really did die, but they were ressurrected by the power of the Dragonballs at the end. However, I do have at least two fanfictions planned in which some characters may truly, irrevocably die. One of those will not be related to the others, though.**

**Disclaimer Short: Someone needs to disclaim! Disclaim, I say, disclaim!**

**Samus: Shut up.**

**Why are you always so mean to me?**

**Kirby: She's mean to everyone.**

**Samus: Not true. I am a perfect little angel.**

**Pit: That's not what the book of good and evil says. Believe me, I've read it. You've blown up two-hundred fifty thousand planets.**

**Samus: I think you need to update, cause the ten I visited last night are gone.**

**Kirby: I rest my case.**

***Samus turns into morph ball and rolls away***

**Pit: Hmm? She left something behind.**

***Picks it up***

**Pit: Holy crap! It's a Power Bomb!**

**Kirby: What? Why would she do that?**

***Power Bomb blows up. Everything is covered in black soot.***

**Pit: Shin owns nothing, now you all need to leave and read the story while I have a little talk with Palutena about Samus' afterlife...**

* * *

Master Hand snapped his fingers, and he and all the smashers were on the second floor of the castle, in a small auditorium of sorts. "All right, the first match is about to begin! Now—"

A flash of white light. Two people stood together in the back of the room. One of them was taller than Mario, but shorter than Link. His attire matched Mario's, but was green instead of red. Rather than an "M" on his hat, there was an "L." Mario stood up and walked over to him, "Luigi!"

Pikachu said, "Hey! I know you!"

He was talking to their other new arrival, a small creature that looked a lot like Kirby, but with a fluff of hair, and ears. "Jigglypuff!"

Master Hand said, "Dangit. Now I have to change the tournament grid."

He snapped his fingers, and another match was added to the first round. One of the semi-final matches became a three-way match. Jigglypuff and Luigi's names appeared in the place where the new match was added.

Another flash, and two more people are there. Master Hand moaned, and changes the tournament grid. The semi-finals no longer had a three-way match, but the final match was one. "Now, what are your names?"

A young boy with a yellow-and-blue striped shirt and blue jean shorts said, in a heavy English accent, "Ness! Now, what's all this about?"

The other one, a man a bit taller than Link, said, in an extremely corny superhero-esque accent, "Captain Falcon, now why was this letter hitting me in the head?"

Master Hand put their names on the tournament grid, and explained to them what happened. Like the others, they didn't believe him about Crazy Hand.

Samus said, "You know, you keep on talking about this 'Crazy Hand,' but I still haven't seen him."

"You did see him! Remember that big chase?"

"Oh, yeah. Haha, that was fun! But that just looked like another you."

"You don't honestly believe I can duplicate myself?"

"Why not? I'm sure that giant, floating hands do it all the time."

The others laughed. "But it was him!"

Link said, "I think you just put your foot in your mouth. Oh, wait…"

Everyone laughed again at Master Hand's expense. "Fox, are you gonna get Jigglypuff a little thingie to let her talk, or what?"

"Sure, I'll just use both of my hands to hook it on her. Unless you'd like to lend me one?"

Now, the room was bursting with laughter as he hooked a translator on her. She was staring at Kirby.

"Who're you?"

She pointed at him. He smiled at her and says, "Me, poyo?" pointing at himself, "I'm Kirby, poyo!"

She turned away from him, face a little red, then turned back to him. She said, "Oh."

Master Hand said, "Okay, everyone! To avoid you all getting hurt, I built this machine! You will step into the capsule on the side, and it will break you down and digitalize you! You appear on a digital stage inside the computer and fight, and whenever the match is over, you reappear in the capsule unharmed! See, you don't get hurt this way!"

Everyone is silent. Fox said, "What fun is that?"

Link agreed, "Yeah, really."

Samus nodded, "Yeah, I was hoping to, like, you know, actually fight."

Luigi said, "I-I-I-I'm okay with the c-c-c-computer."

Everyone except Mario and Master Hand turned to glare at him.

He said, "I-I-I-I mean, no, no computer."

Master Hand was somewhat shocked by this reaction at first. Then, he remembered the chaos from yesterday in the kitchen, and this morning throughout the castle, and the surprise wore off instantly. How could they NOT want to hurt each other? Maybe they liked it.

"Okay, if that's what you all really want."

Luigi said, "I'm still open for the computer!"

He caught the eye of every other smasher, and he quickly added, "Or not!"

Master Hand says, "Okay, well, you can't leave the Final Destination—"

"Then how are we here? In the castle?"

"The castle is a part of Final Destination. Anyway—"

He leaves the second floor and leads them up to the third. He enters a door just to the right of the stairs. The others followed behind him. "This is… THE DANGER ROOM! BWAHAHAHA!"

Samus, still with no emotion, says, "Isn't that, like, off of X-Men?"

Ness nodded, "Yeah, definitely copyright infringement."

Mario scoffed, "Like-a this-a whole-a fanfiction isn't-a?"

Luigi responded, "Sshhhh! I-I-I don't-a think-a we're-a supposed to know about-a that-a!"

Master Hand said, "What are you all talking about?"

At the same time, all the smashers yelled, "NOTHING!"

He waited a second and said, "Oh, okay. Well, I guess the Danger Room is a bit overdone. How about… forget it, it doesn't matter what it's called, what matters is what it does! Will the first match participants please step forward?"

Pikachu and Kirby waddled up. Jigglypuff yelled out, "Get him, Kirby!"

Kirby sweatdropped a little. Master Hand said, "Good, now I'll draw an arena."

He reached into a nearby box and pulled a sheet of paper out. He unfolded it (somehow) and said, "The first fight will be held at… the roof of Princess Peach's castle? Who came up with that one?"

Master Hand could have sworn he heard Crazy Hand laughing. Suddenly, a piece of glass shot up between the smashers who were fighting and those who were watching. Master Hand was with the spectators.

The floor on the side with the fighters melted and fell, molding itself into some shape. The walls moved outward so that the screen created by the glass couldn't see them. The floor, in its newly molded state, rose from the ground and everything flashed. The light faded, and the whole place had been colored. The top of the castle seemed to come up from below, and the rest of the floor laid below it. The ceiling was also much higher. The back wall is much, much further back than the side walls, and so is the glass wall. Pikachu and Kirby are on the castle. Master Hand said, "The first person to touch the lower floor, walls, or ceiling will be the loser! The more hurt you become, the more resistant to gravity you will become, and thus the further you will fly! 3!... 2!... 1!... Go!"

Kirby and Pikachu faced each other. Pikachu shouted, "I won't take it easy on you, puffy!"

Kirby tilted his head stupidly. "My name's Kirby."

Pikachu ignored him and ran forward in an attempt to tackle. Kirby side dodged it, nearly falling off the edge. "How are we supposed to fight in an arena this narrow, poyo?"

Pikachu ignored him and jumped, firing a thunderjolt. Kirby opened his mouth wide and allowed the thunderjolt to go right in. He swallowed it, and on his head appeared a hat which looks like the top of Pikachu's head. He landed and says, "What the?"

Kirby said, "Pika!" and a thunderjolt exactly like the one he swallowed flies from him toward Pikachu.

Pikachu narrowly dodged it. "How did he do that?"

Kirby jumped high into the air, taking out a curved sword. He came down hitting the sword on the ground. A wave of energy was released from the sword, heading straight at Pikachu. He tried to dodge roll, but it still nicked his foot.

Pikachu used agility to quickly get behind Kirby, then tackled him. Pikachu yelled, "Thunder!" and a large bolt of lightning came from the sky and hit Kirby. It knocked him to the side, within inches of the left wall. Kirby inflated himself and started to fly back to the stage. When he got close, he pulled a hammer from seemingly nowhere and twirled in the air, hitting Pikachu against the ground.

Pikachu backed away from Kirby, and mumbled, "Where is he getting all that stuff?"

There was the tiniest flash of light behind him. He turned and saw a glowing sword, the blade of which seemed to be made of energy. Pikachu just said, "Oh."

He backflipped and grabs it in his mouth, then threw it at Kirby. Kirby flew up, then landed in front of Pikachu and punched him rapidly, saying, "Vulcan Jab!"

In the crowd, Jigglypuff yelled, "Goooo Kirby!"

Kirby looked at the glass wall and smiled nervously. In his distraction, he didn't notice Pikachu grab him. Pikachu rolled backwards and tossed Kirby off the stage. Kirby floated back up, then used Final Cutter again. Pikachu jumped to dodge it, then fired another Thunderjolt at Kirby. Kirby fired his own Thunder Jolt at Pikachu to cancel the two out, then they ran at each other. Pikachu headbutted Kirby. Kirby was knocked offstage, and barely managed to grab the ledge. Pikachu yelled, "Thunder!"

The thunder came at an angle this time, and looked as though it is going to hit Kirby off, but it hit the bumper at the top of the stage. The bumper redirected the thunder so that it flew at the glass wall. It rebounded off of it and hit Pikachu toward the background. Kirby quickly climbed up and threw his hammer at him. He hit the back wall.

Master Hand says loudly, "This game's winner is... KIRBY!" as the room reverts to its blank, empty state.

Pikachu says, "Ouch! That smarts!"

Jigglypuff runs to Kirby and hugs him. "You did it!"

Kirby says, "Yeah, that's great, poyo, but can you let me go, poyo?"

Pikachu says, "Yeah, I'm your best friend, Jigglypuff! Shouldn't you be cheering me on?"

Jigglypuff let him go and he ran and hid behind Master Hand. Master Hand said, "Alright, let's break it up for now. There's no need to have the next match immediately, so you all can do whatever you want for today, and we'll have the next match tomorrow. Oh, by the way... please no more eating in the kitchen! I've built a dining room on the other side of the main hall, and I would appreciate it if you ate there."

Master Hand disappeared. Kirby said, "I call the endless fridge!" and ran downstairs. Samus said, "I'm not hungry. I'm going to explore the castle."

He walked out. Link said, "Wait! I'll come with you!" and ran after him. Ness followed them, interested in seeing this castle.

Jigglypuff said, "Hey, wait up Kirby!"

Pikachu shouted, "Hey! Get back here, Jigglypuff! I'm not done with you!"

Donkey Kong walked off on his own, then all the others followed Pikachu to the kitchen.

Samus wandered up to the fourth floor with Link and Ness right behind him. He walked through the first door on the right. The door opened up to a room with no walls- the door stood by itself, with nothing around it. The room was covered in snow, and there appeared to be a blizzard. It stretched on seemingly forever. Samus stared into the room for three seconds, then closed it. He stood still for a second. "That...was wierd."

Samus walked down the hallway, checking each room. One was full of water, one looked like the inside of a volcano, and another was storming and had its gravity reversed- so that the ceiling was the floor and the floor was the sky, with rain falling up and thunder going from the bottom to the top of the room. Samus closed that door. "I've had enough of this place. I'm going back downstairs."

Ness took one last peek into the room with all the snow, then followed after Samus and Link. As they went down the stairs, Link suddenly felt something cold hit him in the back. He looked behind himself and saw Ness whistling, and a pile of snow right behind him. Link said, "Did... did you just throw a snowball at me?"

Ness looked at him innocently. "Umm... no?"

Samus turned around and saw what happened. "Ah, what the heck?"

He fired his Ice Beam at Link's back. Link turned around. "Hey!"

Ness took out another snowball he took from the room and threw it at him. Link turned to face him. "What the...?"

Samus hit him with the Ice Beam again. Link turned around quickly, "Hey! That's cold!"

He started to walk toward Samus with his hand on his sword, but slipped on the now-melted snow at his feet and tumbled down the stairs. Ness and Samus looked at each other, then laughed. Link stood up and glared at them, "What are you two laughing at?"

They laughed even harder when they saw his face. Ness said, "L-Link, your face!"

"W-what about it!"

He reached towards his face. Samus grabbed a mirror off the wall and tossed it to him, laughing even harder. Link held it up and... "W-What the?"

Link gaped at his reflection, making what Ness and Samus had been talking about that much more obvious. When he tumbled down the stairs, his tooth had been knocked loose. Ness and Samus laughed even harder. Link glared at them. "Okay, that's it!"

He drew his sword and ran up the steps after them. They both said, "Uh-oh." and ran up the steps. Halfway up, Link slipped on the water again and fell all the way back down. Ness and Samus ran past him. When he got back up, he glimpses the mirror again and saw his tooth had been knocked all the way out. He growled and started chasing them again. "I'll get you two for that!"

Samus and Ness ran through the dining room, where everyone else except Donkey Kong and Captain Falcon was. Mario and Luigi had waffles with spaghetti and garlic on top, Kirby was busy draining his endless fridge (he had dragged it from the kitchen.) Fox had a pack of funyons and Pikachu and Jigglypuff were arguing right behind Kirby. Yoshi had a bushel of apples.

Samus and Ness split up, each running on one side of the long table. Samus happened to step on Jigglypuff's hair as he passed. Jigglypuff puffed up and chased him. Pikachu said, "Hey! I'm not done with you yet!"

Kirby ignored them. Ness ran into Yoshi as he passed, and knocked Fox's funyons out of his hands. Link ran into the room and saw them each on one side. He jumped on the table and ran down the middle, knocking Kirby and his fridge over so that it landed on top of him. Jigglypuff yelled, "Kirby!" and runs over to him.

She picked up the fridge and threw it at Link. It hit him in the forehead and he fell back, dazed. Samus and Ness ran off and Jigglypuff said, "I'm not through with you yet!" and chased them.

Fox started firing at Ness until he couldn't see him anymore, then continued eating his funyons while looking around and glaring in every direction, sure that someone would try to take them. Yoshi also ignored them. Link sat up and looked around. "Where'd they go?"

Not waiting for an answer, he tore off in the opposite direction.

Kirby got up and said, "Hey! Jigglypuff's gone! Yes!"

He grabbed the fridge and quickly started carrying it to his room. Just as he turned the corner, though, Samus and Ness, still being chased by Jigglypuff and Pikachu, came around. Kirby opened up the fridge and hid inside it. Jigglypuff said, "Where'd my Kirby go? Kiiirbyyy!"

She glared at Ness and Samus. "You two scared him away!"

She picked up the fridge Kirby was hiding in and tossed it at Samus. The door opened as it flied toward her, and Kirby was tossed out and hit the wall. Jigglypuff said, "Kirby!" and ran toward him. He started running away, and ran into Captain Falcon in the hallway. He hid behind him. Jigglypuff shouted, "Outta my way!" and knocked him outside. Kirby ran quickly to his room and locked the door. Jigglypuff used Pound on the door over and over. "Kirby? Come on out, now!"

Pikachu came behind her. "Yeah right, like that'll happen! You probably scared him into running away through his window."

The next thing Pikachu knew, he was on the ground with a bloody nose, and Jigglypuff was running outside. Seconds later, he heard Kirby scream. The door opened quickly just as Pikachu got up, and hits him in the head as Kirby ran out, being chased by Jigglypuff, who had apparently entered his window.

"Come on, Kirby! I won't scare you any more!"

Samus and Ness, now being chased by Link again, stepped on Pikachu as he sat up and he said, "That's it! I've had it! Thunder!"

A bolt of lightning rips through the ceiling, making a hole in every floor from the second, up. Pikachu sends bolts of electricity everywhere, hitting everyone in the first and second floor hallways. Ness and Link fell backwards, now black with soot. Kirby and Jigglypuff fell forward, the result being that she landed on him. Samus' suit started crackling. He said, "Darn. I'll have to take my suit off while it recharges."

It glowed, and then disappeared just as Mario and Luigi walked up the stairs. Pikachu cocked an eyebrow. "Samus, what happened to you?"

Mario and Luigi saw Samus and gaped.

"What do you mean, 'what happened?" Samus asked.

Pikachu said, "You-your body..."

Samus' eyes squinted. "What about it?"

"You-you got a sex change!"

Samus' eyes widened. "WHAT?"

"You got a sex change!"

"A SEX CHANGE? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"You're a girl now!"

"I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A GIRL! ARE YOU SAYING YOU THOUGHT I WAS A MAN?"

Pikachu just nodded. Samus growled viciously. "THAT'S IT! I don't care how damaged it is!"

Her suit reappeared on her and she aimed her blaster at Pikachu. Her arm cannon got bigger and bigger and then, BOOM!

Samus fired her Zero Laser at Pikachu. Pikachu gaped and used Agility to jump down the stairs to the side. Ness quickly threw up a PSI Shield that managed to reflect half of the blast, but he still got hit. Link, Mario and Luigi weren't so lucky. The blast knocked them clear through the wall before that entire side of the castle fell on top of them. Samus' suit falls off again. Pikachu ran upstairs and looked out at the huge hole that used to be the castle's eastern wing. "You are in so much trouble, Samus."

Master Hand appeared in the main hall. "How is everyone... get... ting. . . . a l o n g. . . WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CASTLE?"

Everyone pointed at Samus, "She did it!"

If Master Hand had eyes, he would have been squinting at her. "Who is that?"

Pikachu says, "Um... Samus."

"What? Samus is a GIRL?"

Anyone looking at Samus after he said that could swear she was glowing red. Her suit reappeared and she aimed her blaster at Master Hand. BOOM!

* * *

**I always thought Ness' accent sounded european, but when I looked it up, everyone said it was japanese... so that's what I went with.**

**Ness: What do you mean I sound European? I don't 'ave a accent!**

**Yes, you do.**

**Ness: No I don't!**

**Samus: Yes, you do.**

**Ness: Lucas, do I 'ave a accent?**

**Lucas: Umm... well... uh... maybe?**

***Lucas runs away***

**Ness, say, "PK Fire!"**

**Ness: Okay. PK Faia!**

**See?**

**Ness: I said it right!**

**Say, "PK Flash."**

**Ness: Okay. PK Cross! No, wait! PK Pulse! No, no! PK Crush! Wait! PK Flush! No, wait, I can get this!**

**Samus: No you can't.**

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form. Also, because I have, since writing this chapter, actually played the game Ness is from, his attacks and actions may change, though I will try to keep the results the same.**

**Also, I know in the original A/N it said I went with his accent being Japanese, but I switched it to English since he comes from Eagleland, which sounds too much like England to be a coincidence.**


	5. Chapter 5: You break it, You fix it!

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form. Also, because I have, since writing this chapter, actually played the game Ness is from, his attacks and actions may change, though I will try to keep the results the same.**

**A/N**

**All of my amazing reviews inspired me to write this one much faster. :D**

**Review Response:**

**Mind Seeker: I honestly have no clue when the last time I updated was! Haha, I think that the whole "SAMUS IS A GIRL?" thing would make a good running gag :D**

**Chidoriss: Thank you reviewing my fanfiction! As a general rule, I try to read the fanfictions of all my reviewers when I have time (and as long as I know about the series they're writing about), so you can count on it! As for the Mario/Link match, well we'll see who wins when we get there!**

**Nianque: Thanks for reviewing! I love your avatar, by the way! Would you mind P.M.'ing me sometime? I'd like to know more about what "Warrior Cats" is. It sounds interesting!**

**Golfer: Well, the reason people tend to think Samus is a guy is cause in the first Metroid game, Nintendo purposely made Samus seem like a guy until the end when she takes her suit off (You couldn't see the design so well, because it was a super-old sprite based game.) In the series, they thought she was a boy cause... well, I dunno... I guess they're all idiots. Then again, she is pretty manly isn't she?**

**MKL & BLV number 1 fan: Thanks for reviewing :D Glad you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer Short: (Singing) Duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh-duh, duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh-**

**Samus: What are you DOING?**

**I'm singing the theme song to Pirates of the Caribbean.**

**Samus: That song has no words.**

**I know! That's why I'm going duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh-duh, duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh-**

**Samus: ...**

**Jack Sparrow: Yer doin it all wrong, mate. It's more like this. Duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh-duh, duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh-**

**Samus: . . .**

**(Me and Jack): Duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh-duh, duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh-**

**Samus: I can't take it any more!**

***Hits us both with Sonic Boom.***

**OW OW OW OW OW!**

**Samus: Why didn't it do anything to Jack?**

**Jack: I'm still in that skeleton-y immortal form.**

**Samus: Oh.**

**THAT HURT!**

**Samus: You'll live.**

**Samus, you're making me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.**

**Samus: Shut up, you're not the Hulk.**

**I may not be the Hulk, but I AM the author!**

**Samus: Big whoop.**

**I own nothing in this story except the story itself, now get outta here while I erase Samus with my mighty pencil... er, keyboard!**

**Samus: Oh. My. God. He disclaimed by himself!**

**Jack: Duh duh duh!**

* * *

After Samus blasted Master Hand and destroyed the front half of the castle along with the left wall...

Master Hand stared at his now-broken castle. He was almost in tears. He would have been bawling if he had eyes.

The smashers were all standing behind him. Link said, "This is your fault, Ness."

"How is it my fault? Samus is the one who went crazy!"

"Yeah, but if you hadn't thrown that snowball, Samus wouldn't have ended up blowing the castle up!"

"But she hit you with the Ice Beam!"

They had gotten loud enough that Master Hand heard them. He turned around and glared. "It's all of your faults! No... I take that back, it's Crazy Hand's fault! But since I know he won't take responsibility..." Master Hand snapped his fingers so that various clean-up and construction tools appear around the yard, "You all are fixing it!"

Master Hand snapped his fingers and disappears. All the smashers glared at Ness, Link and Samus. Except Luigi.

Yoshi said, "Ok, we should start... this place won't fix itself. First, we have to clear away all this rubble..."

Kirby opened his mouth wide and inhales it all. "Done, poyo!"

Mario picked up a hammer. "I-a guess-a Luigi and-a me-a have-a to do-a the plumbing."

Fox grabbed a large coil of copper wire. "Samus and I will fix up the lights. The rest of you can do all the actual building. Speaking of building... where's Donkey Kong? I haven't seen him since he went in his room... before Samus... blew... it. . . up. . . oh, crap."

Kirby's stomach bulged outward. "Uh-oh." Kirby spit out a star... which turned into DK. Captain Falcon said, "He looks mad."

Pikachu says, "Naw, ya think?"

Donkey Kong picked up a nearby hammer and looks directly at Samus, who was right beside Fox. Donkey Kong threw it at Samus, but misses. It hit Fox in the forehead. He fell backwards, dazed. Donkey Kong picked up another. Samus said, "Kirby! Why did you let him out?"

"Well, poyo, what would you do if he was punching you in the ribs from the inside, poyo?"

Donkey Kong glared at Kirby, remembering who had eaten him. He threw the sledgehammer at him. Kirby swallowed it, turning into Hammer Kirby. He ran at Donkey Kong and tried to hit him in the head... but Donkey Kong rolled to the side, causing him to hit Yoshi in the nose. "Ouch!"

Yoshi glared at Kirby. Kirby smiled apologetically. Yoshi stretched out his tongue and touched Kirby with it. Kirby gets stuck on the end, and Yoshi spun around in a circle, Kirby still stuck on the end. Yoshi let go, and Kirby went flying into Jigglypuff. She gasped, "Kirby, are you ok?"

She glared at Yoshi, then used Rollout. She missed him by half an inch, hitting Link in the shin. Link hopped around on one leg, stepping on Pikachu's tail. Pikachu let out a huge Thunderbolt, hitting everyone. This jumpstarted Fox back into consciousness. Fox pulled his gun and started shooting at Donkey Kong. He hit Donkey Kong and everyone around him. (Kirby, Yoshi, Jigglypuff, Pikachu, Mario.)

Mario put on his cape and started twirling quickly. The cape caused the bullets to deflect everywhere, making them hit everyone except Mario.

Luigi started running around wildly, trying to stay out of the line of fire. He knocked over a barrel of oil, causing everyone to slip. Fox's bullets hit the oil, making it explode. Everyone stared at all the destruction caused by the chaos. "Master Hand is gonna kill us, poyo."

After ten more unsuccessful tries at rebuilding the castle, Master Hand showed up. He decided to hold the next match before having them try again, since luckily, the morphing room was not destroyed.

"Okay, the next two competitors are Mario and Link!"

Master Hand reached into the box with all the stages written in it and unfolded it. "The match will take place at... Okay, we seriously need to come up with some better stages, here. The stage is Saffron City Rooftops!"

The room morphed to form the rooftops of three of Saffron City's Skyscrapers. In the middle was Silph Co. The walls were painted to resemble the rest of the city. Mario was on the left building and Link was on the right. "3!... 2!... 1!... GO!"

Mario and Link each jumped onto Silph Co. Mario started the fight by throwing a fireball at Link. Link took out his bow and fired an arrow directly at the fireball. It caught the fireball on the end, making it into a Fire Arrow. Mario used his cape to deflect it back at Link. Link held up his Mirror Shield, causing it to ricochet into the ceiling (which was painted to look like the sky.) Mario jumped high and landed on Link's head. Link tried to grab him, but he jumped off and kicked him in the side. Link turned quickly and unsheathed the Master Sword, slicing at Mario horizontally. Mario ducked and punched Link in the stomach twice, then backflipped and kicked him in the chin. Link staggered back two steps and wiped the blood from his mouth. "Not bad."

Link reached into his pocket and threw and bomb at Mario. It went past him, then exploded. The explosion knocked him forward, and he landed on the ground face-first. Link grabbed Mario's leg and swung him around. He tossed him off the building, so that he fell between Silph Co. and the building on the right. Just before Mario touched the ground, he kicked off the right building's wall. He touched Silph Co. and kicked off of it as well. He continued to wall jump up until he landed on the roof of the right building again. Link gaped at him. "You cheated!"

"I-a didn't-a cheat! You're-a the one with-a the bombs-a!"

"Hmph!"

Link threw his boomerang at Mario, hitting him in the jaw with it. Mario grabbed it before it can return, and tossed it off the building. He ran at Link and punched him in the jaw. He grabbed his arm, and doing the same thing Link had done to him, tossed him off at the same spot. Link quickly pulled out his hookshot and latched it onto the building. It retracted, pulling him back up. "And-a you said-a I-a cheated!"

He used the hookshot to grab the boomerang from the floor. Yoshi yelled from the side, "Hey, Link! Your fly's open!"

"WHAT?"

Link looked down. "Wait a second, I wear tights!"

He looked up only to get a wooden mallet slammed into his face. He fell backward. When he got up, there was a huge red mark on his face. "Oh, so you wanna play with hammers?"

Link took out his Megaton Hammer and hit the roof with it. The entire building shook violently, causing Mario to fall back, and bump a door. The door opened up, and a large ball rolled out. It was half red and half white. "What-a the?"

The Electrode glowed and used Self-Destruct! Mario got sent flying into the room's left wall. "This game's winner is... LINK!"

Some of the smashers cheered. Luigi and Yoshi didn't look too happy as the room returned to the way it was.

Master Hand sent them back outside to try fixing the castle again. They got off to a decent start this time. Ness used his telekinesis to move the 2x4's in place while the other smashers hammered them together. The wall and ceiling's frames were entirely rebuilt. Samus and Fox had fixed up the wiring, and the plumbing was almost done. Then, as the were putting up plywood to form the walls along which the stone were meant to be lain...

Link raised his Megaton Hammer to nail in the next piece of plywood. Mario and Yoshi were standing behind him.

This was just what they were waiting for. Yoshi yelled, "HEY LINK!" right in his ear as loud as he could. With Link's longer ears, it was even louder.

Link's eyes widened and he dropped his hammer in surprise. The Megaton Hammer landed right on his head. He staggered left and right for a second before he fell off the scissorlift he was on. Yoshi and Mario laughed at him. He landed on top of Ness, who was still using telekinesis to put the plywood in place.

A piece flew off the wall and hit Mario and Yoshi in the head. The piece kept going and landed on Pikachu, who was charging the batteries for all the electric tools. A stray bolt of electricity hit Samus and Fox, who were wiring the lighting. When the electricity hit the wire, it started sparking. The sparks hit the wood, catching it on fire. Samus and Fox frantically tried to put it out, Samus finally succeeding by using her Ice Beam. The water that was formed when the ice hit the electricity, though, dripped down onto a fusebox, causing it to explode. Chunks of wood went flying everywhere, hitting Kirby and Jigglypuff. Kirby hopped up and down, "Ow! I got a splinter in my hand, poyo!"

Jigglypuff gasped, "Let me see it, Kirby!"

She took the splinter out and then glared at Fox and Samus. They both said, at the same time, "Pikachu did it!"

Pikachu crawled out from under the plywood. "Oh, thanks, guys! Now I'll never get her to go out with me!"

Jigglypuff glared daggers at Pikachu. Pikachu took two steps back. "It's Ness' fault! He hit me with the plywood!"

Jigglypuff growled at Ness. "Link fell on me!"

"It's Yoshi's fault! He yelled in my ear!"

"Mario put me up to it!"

Jigglypuff held out her hand. "Kirby, can I borrow your hammer?"

He handed it to her, and she ran right at Mario. Then she saw the Megaton Hammer lying on the ground. She tossed the other hammer back to Kirby. "You can have this back."

She picked up the Megaton Hammer and started chasing Mario with it. She caught him and hit him right in the nose, knocking him into the new foundation they had built. It crumbled, causing it all to fall apart, landing right on Mario... and Donkey Kong, who was nearby. Donkey Kong burst out of the rubble and glared viciously at Jigglypuff. "Um... I... it was a..."

Giving up on explaining it to him, she ran. He picked up the Megaton Hammer she left, throwing it at her. But rather than hitting her, it hit Captin Falcon, cracking his helmet.

Link got up. "Uh, can I have my hammer back now? It's, uh, one of a kind, you know."

Captain Falcon threw it at him, causing it to hit him in the head. Link fell on top of Ness again, knocking him out this time. Ness struggled to get out from under Link, but couldn't because of how small he is. "PK Flash!"

The PK Flash tossed Link into Donkey Kong, earning the unconscious Link a Giant Punch. He was sent flying into what was left of the rebuilt castle. Ness stood up and says, "I'm tired of getting squished! PK Rockin' Ω!"

An guitar made out of pure PSI energy formed in his hand, and he strummed it hard, over and over. Waves of red, blue and yellow PSI flew out from it, exploding on contact and blowing everything up. By the time he hit the last note, there was nothing left of the castle. The smashers were all on their backs. Master Hand appeared. "You guys d-d-d-d-d-d-d... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."

Master Hand fainted.

Ness said, "Uh-oh... I think I'm in trouble."

* * *

**Since there are those who thought Ness' accent is hard to read, I've edited the chapter to remove it, and from now on I won't type it. However, so that my ending Author note makes sense to those who didn't get to read it before the edit, I simply provided a translation for his accent on that part. Everything after this sentence is the original Author note.**

**Well, it's not the best ending, but oh well.**

**Ness: Whai deed yoo mayke me dehstroy the castle? Now Master Hahnd is goeeng to keell me! (Translation: Why did you make me destroy the castle? Now Master Hand is going to kill me!)**

**You'll be okay. But dang your accent is hard to type!**

**Ness: Yoo don't reely hahve to type eet. (You don't really have to type it.)**

**I think I'll let the readers decide it. The main problem actually is, I don't know how easy it is to read when I type his accent that way. So, if you can, I'd like you to decide what I should do: Keep doing his accent as I have, or type it normal and let you imagine the accent there yourself. I'll put a poll on my page, you can vote there.**

**A/N/N**

**This chapter has been changed from its original format to be in the past tense. The original Author Notes have been unaltered from their original form. Also, because I have, since writing this chapter, actually played the game Ness is from, his attacks and actions may change, though I will try to keep the results the same. **


	6. Chapter 6: Long Note, Samus' Depp!

**A/N (You can skip this if you want.)**

**Well, I certainly have been away a long, long time. A LONG, long time. There is a reason for that, of course. It can be summed up in one word: college. Or, if you want more detail, art college. The teachers there are slave drivers! This is only my first day back from vacation (we have a summer semester, so fall starts a bit later to give us a 3-week break). I already have seven assignments, and I've only had one class (anatomy) today.**

**Yep. Slave drivers, the lot of them. In any case, I've decided to cut back some of the other things I do that are boring now (such as YouTube) and start writing again. I've been reading some fanfictions in other sections (blame this on the last Harry Potter movie coming out...) and I've realized something.**

**There are two types of fanfictions. Good ones, and bad ones. Many kind reviewers have told me I'm good, and they usually mention looking forward to the next chapter. But, I've realized, compared to a lot of the writers here, I really am quite inexperienced.**

**Of course, the remedy to that is to write more. After looking through the fanfictions I've uploaded here, I've taken down the ones I wasn't satisfied with. This is the only one I don't really consider that bad, so it gets to stay. Yay!**

**Even though I've removed the other stories, I've saved the reviews that everyone gave me, and the versions that were up at the time. I intend to keep them, to show myself how much I've improved. I'm really writing this mostly on spur of the moment, and so, I don't have an actual chapter prepared. At some point, probably this week, I'll change this Author Note into an actual chapter. This note will remain at the top. Until then, I will also say that even though Super Smash Bros is my favorite fandom, and I will still try to write a lot of it, I've got others that I intend to write as well now, especially Earthbound/Mother, Legend of Zelda, and Kingdom Hearts.**

**And, I think I'll be going back and making the previous chapters past tense. It's much easier to write that way, and feels more natural than present does. This may change the way a few things are written, but that's it. The dialogue will change very little, if at all.**

**One other thing: A very intelligent reviewer once told me that writing multiple stories at once has been the bane of many a writer. I didn't realize it then, but now, I know that what he had said then, whether he knew it or not, was actually one of my greatest flaws. He's absolutely right, and the proof is on my computer. At this moment, there are seventy-five folders in my fanfiction folder, each containing a totally different story. Out of those, only twenty-seven have more than one chapter, and some don't even have that much, just a file with a quick summary or plot bunny on it. This is in addition to my college life, animating a character as a Super Smash Flash 2 expansion, and, of course, keeping up with new games and such.**

**I would like to thank that reviewer, and let him know that even though he said he was proven wrong after I successfully updated both for a little while, he was completely right. I think that now that I have realized one of the things I've been doing wrong, not just in writing but in my life, I've grown not only as an author, but as a person.**

**I can't promise that I won't do two stories at once- it's hard to stay on one subject when I'm really just doing this for fun, not to mention that the genre I write varies a lot on my mood. However, I can say that simply knowing I have this flaw is a huge step, to me.**

**Larxene: Aww, how sweet! ... ... I hate sweet!**

***Yelps, dodging the knives and lightning she's throwing at me.***

**Uhh, until I get the next chapter for this ready, c'ya later!**

***Runs off dodging Larxene's attacks.***

* * *

**This chapter was actually written before my hiatus, and only needed minimal editing. I'd completely forgotten about it, but, meh, what'cha gonna do?**

**Review Response:**

**I know many of them are pretty old by now, but... I figure, why not?**

**Mind Seeker: Thanks a lot! I always knew there was a reason you were my favorite reviewer. ^^ It's not been bad, just... hectic, and time-consuming. Art really isn't my best subject, even though it's my favorite, so it is a bit harder for me than, say, math. In any case, it feels great to be back! I'm more relieved than you'd believe that you're still around.**

**Golfer: Actually, he can... and he will. It was just a LOT funnier this way. :D**

**Kattheamazing: Glad you like the story! I take it you like Link? Lol. I'm glad my story gave you inspiration for your fic, even though that was over a year ago.**

**Disclaimer Short:**

**Ahh, who shall disclaim?**

***Looks around for everyone.***

**Where'd they go?**

**Mewtwo: Everyone went to the Isle of No Return.**

**What? Why?**

**Mewtwo: Something about an "Armor of Invincibility" that Ganondorf was talking about.**

**Wow. Really?**

**Mewtwo: Would I lie to you?**

**Probably... Wait a second, if it's an Isle of No Return, how does anyone know what's there?**

**Mewtwo: Exactly what I said. They didn't listen.**

**Ganondorf: Hahaha! And that was my plan exactly! To get them away where I could destroy Shin before I have to appear in this horrible story!**

**Uh, you aren't in this story.**

**Ganondorf: You know what I mean! The next one! Don't try to lie! I saw your script!**

**There's a script? Uh... well, anyway, take care of him for me Mewtwo.**

**Ganondorf: Wait, What?**

***Ganondorf is slammed between two walls over and over.***

**Mewtwo: Although Shin loves abusing these characters, he does not actually own us. Can we get the ball rolling?**

* * *

After Master Hand decided to forget about having the smashers rebuild the castle (and let's face it- it was definitely NOT getting better) he decided to put it back himself. Two days after the incident, it was time to begin the third match.

Master Hand's voice boomed, "Samus and Fox, your match is next!"

Samus and Fox walked to the battle side of the morphing room, staring each other down. Master Hand drew a paper from the stack.

"Finally, a decent arena! This match will be held at Hyrule Castle!"

Link's ear twitched when he heard this.

The room, as usual, began to change, the glass window shooting up between the combatants and spectators. A large tower appeared, along with a small green spire to its left. In addition to this, a very tiny tunnel-like structure appeared on a lower ledge to the right, as well as a slanted, tiled roof on the left.

Samus was on top of the tunnel-like structure, and Fox was on the slanted roof. Fox began the match by dashing quickly up the spire, then jumping at the bounty hunter, brandishing his blaster. Samus fired a half-charged shot at Fox, who spun quickly, activating his reflector. The blast ricocheted, heading toward Samus. She grabbed the ledge of the tunnel, ducking under it.

After the blast hit, Fox landed behind her, and fired his blaster at her three times. He holstered it, dashing at her while kicking. She dropped into the tunnel, turning into her morph ball. She used Boost Ball to speed into the wall in front of her, ricocheting off before she turned back and used her Grapple Beam to grab Fox, throwing him into the tunnel.

Fox got up, and jumped, turning a flip in the air. He ran behind the spire and shot at her from behind it. Samus hid behind the spire's opposite side, while charging her blaster. Fox, his back against the spire, suddenly felt a shooting pain in his back. He falls forward on his knees.

"How the...?"

He faced the spire, and managed to dodge a purple, rotating beam from it. Many more were quickly launched from it. "A Wave Beam!"

Samus switched to her Plasma Beam, and jumped over the spire, firing it at him. He reflected it. Samus quickly used her Grapple Beam, apparently missing as the two land. Fox reached toward his reflector, readying it for another beam, then noticed it was gone.

"Looking for something?"

Samus was twirling it on her finger. The hunter crushed it in her hand as Fox remembered back to that Grapple Shot she *hadn't* missed. Samus proceeded to rapidly fire her Plasma Beam at him. He rolled, dodged, flipped, and jumped to avoid them all, but it didn't stop his fur from being singed.

He landed in a crouching position, dashing at Samus at full speed, leaving a blur behind himself. He kicked her in the chest, then back-flipped, kicking her in the chin. She stumbled back before receiving a blast to the shoulder. She switched to her Power Beam, firing at the ledge her opponent was on. It cracked, stirring up a large amount of dust. Fox shut his eyes tight to prevent the dust from getting into them. He cracked them open and looks around. Samus was gone. He got into a defensive position before an enormous blast hit him from below, flinging him off the edge of the map.

"Fire!"

He propeled himself back toward the stage with his Fire Fox technique, narrowly grabbing the ledge. He looked up to see Samus aiming her blaster right at his face.

"We can do this two ways, Fox. One, you can drop to the ground and lose. Two, I can blast you and you fall to the ground and lose."

Fox narrowed his eyes a little, "I've got a third idea."

He un-holstered his gun, throwing it at her head. She narrowly dodged it, but it gave him the chance to climb back up.

He looked to where he was standing during the explosion. The shell of a power bomb lied in the cracks he was standing above. So that was it. Samus grappled the green tower, pulling at it with all her strength. It cracked, giving way under the pressure. She hurled it at Fox, smashing the flat end right into his chest. He crashed into a wall, before Samus ran at him, kneeing him in the stomach. He fell to his knees, coughing.

"That… *cough* suit is strong!"

Samus picked him up by the vest, tossed him into the air and grappled him. She swung him around and around, letting go and tossing him off the stage. He hit the outer wall.

"This game's winner is… SAMUS!"

The room reverted to its natural form, as Fox struggled to sit up against the wall. "Ouch! That green spire she hit me with really hurt!"

Samus walked to him and offered her hand. He took it, and she pulled him to his feet. She handed him his blaster. "Thanks."

She shrugged and turns her back. "When this is over, remind me that I owe you a reflector."

"I'll be sure to do that."

"Alright, everyone, that's it for today. Tomorrow's match, in case you forgot, is between Donkey Kong and Yoshi. Until then, you can… where're Kirby and Jigglypuff?"

A big crash was heard from the first floor. If Master Hand wasn't already plain white, he would have gone pale. "Not again!"

He flew out of the room, yelling for Kirby and Jigglypuff.

With a "Well, this should be fun," Link ran out of the room after him, followed by Ness, Pikachu and Yoshi."

Luigi ran out, but turned towards his room rather than the others. "This-a place is-a too d-dangerous!"

The other plumber rolled his eyes and followed his brother.

Captain Falcon and Donkey Kong looked at each other and shrugged, walking towards the inevitable fight.

Samus looked at Fox. "Shall we?"

"Nah, you go on ahead. I'm gonna go lay down a while."

He walked out, holding his chest as he went as Samus ran to see the action, taking off her suit for added speed.

However, when she got to the dining room, she was disappointed to see that Master Hand didn't let it happen. "And let this serve as a lesson to you! If you fight, you will be eaten by demented purple hippos."

Samus raised an eyebrow, her face contorting into one of confusion and incredulity.

"What did I miss?"

Master Hand turned around as Kirby gave a signal, silently conveying the message, "Don't ask!"

Master Hand would have smiled if he could, "Oh, Samus, I'm glad you're here, you need to hear this, too."

Samus' eyes widened as she shook her head vigorously. "Are you sure? It's an astonishing life lesson."

"No, that's okay."

"Oh, but I insist!"

Samus had to think fast, but for some odd reason her mind went to Johnny Depp. "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request."

"What?"

"Exactly!"

Samus walked away, leaving behind a befuddled Master Hand and smashers.

After she's a safe distance away, she lets out a sigh of relief. "I can't believe that worked. Thank you, Jack Sparrow."

Ness, the only one who wasn't fooled, had followed her. "Actually, that's Barbossa's line."

Samus narrowed her eyes at him. "No, it wasn't."

"Sure it was. It was in the first movie, when Elizab—"

"No. It. Wasn't."

Her suit appeared. "I know everything about Johnny Depp. Hence, I am right and you are not."

"No, I'm a huge Disney fan… I'm positive it's Barbossa's line."

Samus put her blaster to his face. "Say that again."

"It. Was. Barbossa's. Li-"

"Depp is best!"

Samus fired at him.

"Whoa! Whoa! Cool it, Samus!"

She rapid-fired beams at him as he put up a PSI Barrier. The entire hallway got singed. He smirked and fired PK Flash at her as she fired her Plasma Beam. The two attacks collided and cause a huge explosion, causing them both to slide back as the hallway filled with dust. Samus, getting angrier, pointed her blaster directly at the psychic. The mouth grew bigger and bigger, until she fired the Zero Laser from it!

Ness, knowing full well that Master Hand would give another retarded lecture if anything happened to the castle, put a psychic bubble around himself, and another around the beam. It exploded, ripping through the PSI Barrier and the outer layer of the walls apart.

Ness gaped at the destruction. Samus looked around, taking it all in. "We are so screwed."

Ness, finding his voice, said, "Correction: YOU are screwed. PK Teleport!"

He ran, a portal to his room appearing in front of him. It disappeared just as Master Hand came up behind Samus. "Why? Why would you DO this?"

She shrugs. "Blame Ness. He argued with me over Johnny Depp."

"Johnny Depp?"

"WHAT? You after my man, TOO?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"A likely story!"

Samus did a classic Xena war cry and tackled Master Hand, landing on top of him and bending his finger backwards. "Uncle! Uncle!"

Another Master Hand came around the corner, stared at them for a second, then ran into a nearby room. "CRAZY HAND, I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Oh, so the other you wants some, too, huh?"

She let up and ran after the 'other Master Hand.'

Master Hand flexed his now-sore fingers. "I think I just learned something about Samus."

Kirby looked up at him. "Oh? What's that?"

"Never, ever bring up Johnny Depp and avoid her at all costs when it is brought up."

"DID YOU JUST CALL HIM AN IT?"

Samus, coming back out of nowhere, tackled him again.

* * *

**A/N**

**Yes, I know. Samus seems a little OOC this time. However, I read a Metroid sprite comic once that portrayed her (in one or two comics) as an overly-obsessive Johnny Depp fan, and I thought it would be hilarious to incorporate that into the story. Right, Samus?**

**Samus: No talk now! Watch Pirates of the Caribbean!**

**Samus, I know it's a good series. I like it, too. But is it really necessary to obsess like this?**

***Her eyes turn red as she looks at me***

**And Edward Scissorhands was pretty boring, too… **

**Samus: Death to the non-believer!**

***She tackles me and puts me in a headlock***

**Larxene: Ooh, that looks like fun! Can I help? With knives?**

**Meep! *Struggles out of hold and runs screaming as Larxene and Samus chase me.* ****HELP! HEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!**


End file.
